A wedding planning checklist, by months to go

• Tell the people who should hear it from you before they see it online.
• Talk about the kind of day you both want: how big, what time of year, near home or away, formal or not. Everything else follows from this conversation.
• Agree the budget and the rough guest count. They are the same decision.
• Pick two or three dates that could work, not one. The venue decides which.
• Start the guest list, in the groups people already belong to. It will change; start it anyway.

• Book the venue. The date is set when the venue is, not before.
• Book the ceremony. A registrar, a religious ceremony, or a celebrant with a separate legal ceremony; each has its own lead time and its own paperwork.
• Book the suppliers who go first: the photographer, the caterer if the venue does not feed you, and the band or DJ. Good ones are booked a year out.
• Ask the people you want beside you on the day.
• Take out wedding insurance before you pay large deposits.
• Send save-the-dates once the venue is confirmed, especially if guests will travel.

• Outfits for both of you. Made-to-order clothes can take months to arrive, and alterations come after that.
• Book the florist, the cake, the transport and hair and make-up.
• Choose the stationery, or decide to do the invitations yourselves.
• Hold rooms for guests at a nearby hotel if a lot of people are travelling.
• Book the honeymoon if you are taking one straight after.
• Set up the gift list, or decide not to have one.
• Put the details somewhere guests can find them: a simple page with the date, the place, the timings and where to stay.

• Send the invitations two to three months before the day, with a reply date about four weeks before it.
• Ask about dietary requirements and access needs on the reply, not afterwards. It is far easier to answer a question than to volunteer the information.
• Order the rings.
• Settle the ceremony itself: readings, music, vows, and who is doing what.
• Go to the menu tasting and choose the food and drink.
• Write a first draft of the running order for the day.
• Give notice. In England and Wales you must give notice of marriage or civil partnership at your local register office at least 29 days before the ceremony, and the notice is valid for twelve months. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own forms and lead times. Check the government site for the nation you are marrying in, and book the appointment early, because they fill up.

• Chase the replies in the week after the deadline. Kindly, by message, one at a time.
• Do the seating plan once the replies are in.
• Give final numbers and dietary notes to the venue and the caterer when they ask, usually a week or two before.
• Confirm the time and the place with every supplier in writing, and share the running order with them.
• Final fittings for both outfits.
• Write the speeches, and tell anyone else giving one how long they have.
• Pay the balances. Most fall due in this window, so check the dates against the bank.
• Print the place cards and the table plan last, after the final numbers are in.

• Pack for the day: the rings, the documents the registrar asked for, cash for anyone who needs paying on the day, and a printed running order.
• Hand things over. Decide who holds the rings, who meets each supplier when they arrive, and who has the phone the suppliers will call.
• Confirm pick-up times with the cars.
• Steam or press the outfits, and try everything on once, with the shoes.
• Put the seating plan and the running order on your phone and on the phone of whoever is running the day.

Give the phone to someone else. The running order is theirs now, and the only job left for the two of you is to be there.

• Thank-you cards. Within three months is the usual expectation; sooner for anyone who travelled a long way or gave a lot.
• Return anything hired, and get the outfits cleaned before anything sets.
• Tell the photographer which pictures you want first.
• If either of you is changing your name, the bank and the passport office come first, and everything else follows.